In a few days, Facebook will launch a brand new interface a give a couple million people a heartattack followed by a mean tweet or two. But Mr. Zuckerbeg doesn’t give a fuck, yo! He’s done this before, at least once every year since Facebook launched in 2004.
Remember the days of Zombie requests? Status updates beginning with “is…” Yeah, done. Here’s a look at other things that were axed, changed and updated through the years:
TheFacebook was only for college kids. The design had no photos, no wall, no news feed, no events, no pages and it had two columns, you know, like a book.
Facebook introduced the News Feed. It continued listing all of your information in, um, lists. 12 million fuckers and growing!
Facebook introduced Facebook Platform, which created all those useless applications. My favey: TOP FRIENDS. And this was the year you could buy (!) stupid virtual gifts (!!) to all your friends. Stoopid!
The first time all of your profile information got organized with ‘tabs’, instead of having it all on one page. Because, you know, everyone has so much important shit to say.
The Wall is introduced along with the like button, making commenting on people’s shit even less impersonal! Good job, Facebook!
Notifications moved to the top. But you didn’t notice that. Other petty shit changed, and everyone made a mean Facebook status update about it.
The current Facebook interface (but not for long), where all of your most important information is organized at the very top above your row of pictures, in a long paragraph-looking thing. Looks cluttered. Glad that shit is changing soon. Subscribe button introduced, which is basically a Twitter-follow button.
The Future (or, you know, next week) —
The Facebook Timeline will be introduced, which will give the world your life story, from birth. Full creepiness ahead. I like that huge profile picture on top, will definitely give each page a more distinct look. And it looks like our information is being organized in lists, again.
The mass hysteria from Facebook changes show that users actually don’t actually have a clue what they want. After people stop complaining, they get used to it, learn to like it and can’t live without it.
Fuck the Kardashian sassters! Keep up with this shit! Now go update your status!